10.30.2013

i'm not trying to trick you.

i've been thinking lately about obedience.
about following God through all the opportunities that make an appearance in closed doors and open doors and slightly cracked doors and bolted shut doors.

about doing something with my life that is meaningful and honors God.
a life that follows, listens, and obeys.

but if i'm honest, i think i've always looked at obedience as a giant puzzle to figure out.
that God puts opportunities in front of me and stands back, waiting to punish me when i can't put it all together, no matter how hard i try.
i've operated with the mentality that "God's will" is just a big trick and my choices create a laundry list of disappointment in the eyes of God.

He stands back and shakes His head wondering, "will you ever get it, hannah?"

but last saturday, i took a walk.
i was feeling the weight of all of this. 
basically struggling with listening and obeying and feeling like a big screw up. 

but as i walked and admired the leaves and took in the crisp fall air, i was reminded of grace.
the freedom that comes from opportunities.
that God is the author of life, and He puts situations in our path and we follow, and if we do make a big mess of things, that He is a God who redeems.

He is not trying to trick me.

i can breath and follow and trust, without fear that i am somehow disappointing Him.
and really, even on my best day, i am in dire need of His grace to function, so the idea that i could ever be good enough or make enough "right" choices is pretty ridiculous in the first place.

i'm thankful for this truth today.
for grace in every moment, faith to follow God in my humanity, and the redemption that covers it all.


"for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." 
philippians 2:13

 

6 comments:

  1. Such an important reminder, Hannah.

    I've learned so much about the beauty of the process since living out here. I feel like the way I grew up instilled in me this wrong idea that God is cryptic and just looking down his nose at us. But he's in us and around us and wanting us to succeed. Tough to remember, but beautiful when you have those moments of clarity.

    ReplyDelete
  2. it's so important for me to remember this. i so often forget.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love this. Thank you for your transparency.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amen! I, too, often forget about God's grace and how abundant it is, if we only take the time to accept it. :)

    ReplyDelete