...and then we got egged.

summer nights.

there's nothing quite like them.

i mean really, there's nothing better than a volleyball game at the park finished off by ice cream at a local spot.

all feels right and good in the world on a night like that. 

well, until you get egged. 

you heard right.

last night, i was a victim of egging.

darn kids.

there we were. 

just finishing up our ice cream and getting ready to head home. 

when all of the sudden, before we knew what had happened, egg yoke covered our legs. 

normally, i would have run after that car with my fists in the air, but even though i run as fast as an african gazelle, the shock was paralyzing and they got away unscathed. 

we cleaned ourselves up while jenny told us, "guys, this has happened to me before."

i guess eggers like to prey on people eating ice cream and those waiting in line for dave matthews tickets {in jenny's case.}

the good news? 

i made scrambled eggs this morning, so the attackers didn't win.

no one can take away my love for eggs, and no one will taint my love for summer.

but friends, stay safe out there.

you never know when someone will throw eggs at your calves. 

don't say i didn't warn you.

making a lasting first impression.

i've been thinking and thinking of what to write because, if you haven't noticed, it's been a long time since i've been on this here bloggie blog.

but i knew i had found the exact perfect thing to get me back on the saddle about three minutes ago when this happened...

i'm on spring break, enjoying the good life in my sweatpants when i hear a knock on the door.

my landlord is there with a girl who is going to move into our building this summer, and he wanted to show her around.

midway through the conversation, i realized my shirt was tucked into my under-roos with my sweatpants hanging low.

sometimes an outfit malfunction can speak louder than your words ever could.

so with that i say, welcome to the building new neighbor and all you readers out there, it's good to be back.

hopefully i always give you reason to feel good about yourself.

never, never, never buy a new car. ever.

{via}

since the day i turned 16, i have driven some real winners. 

there was the black two door nissan sentra that got me around during my high school years. it cost $500 and although it was nothing to be proud of, it got me from point A to point B and it was a two door, which meant it was sporty.

then in my college years i drove a bright blue toyota tercel. i got my first speeding ticket in her while driving back home from college, and she stranded me on the side of the road in arkansas. even though the tercel left a lot to be desired, i felt a little sadness when i found out she had hit the hay while i was living in china.

and lastly, there was the red honda civic. i bought this guy before i learned to drive stick and spent many moments sweating like crazy while trying to navigate the hillier sections of denver. when i traded him in last may, i gave the bumper a swift kick and wished him a found adieu.

so when mr. lesley and i bought a brand, spanking new car this past may, i was ecstatic.
it always turned on, the heat always worked, there wasn't a scratch to be found on the exterior, and the interior had that perfect new car smell i love so much.

but then i learned what it really means to buy a new car.

it means every single person on the road is out to get you.
they want to hit you.
and no matter what you do, they will find you.

i learned this first in august when i got rear-ended exiting off the highway.
since it was my first accident, i was just happy that it wasn't my fault and moved on.

but then about a month ago, when we were sideswiped, i started to get a little suspicious.
we must be doing something wrong.
that green seems to be attracting the wrong kind of attention.

but then this past monday, my suspicions were confirmed.

there i was, minding my own business, just driving through an alley near our apartment, when...BAM!
a woman backed out of her parking spot and slammed into the side of the car.
really?

she got out of the car and said, "i'm so sorry. i've never been in a car accident before. i don't know what to do."
to which i aptly responded, "oh, don't worry. i know exactly what to do."

i have to say, all the years with my amazingly crappy cars and i wasn't in a single accident.
nine months in a brand new car and we've already got three under our belts.

so, whatever you do...DO NOT...and i repeat...DO NOT buy a new car.
or if you do, save yourself the time and go ahead and paint a bullseye smack dab in the middle of it.
it will make it easier for everyone.

trust me.

 

my luck just keeps getting better.

during the middle of my afternoon class, i put my leg up on the bar of a desk and...

it happened. 

i started to feel the breeze where you shouldn't feel the breeze, and i knew. 

any false moves and my students could see a part of me they should NEVER see.

yep, i got a big 'ole rip up the back up of my khakis. 

i called for reinforcement and got this beauty from the office and walked back into my class like a boss.

{it wouldn't be a middle school if they didn't have oversized jean shirts-conveniently large enough to cover my booty- hanging around.}

and my students were none the wiser.

all in a days work in the land of middle school.

is it friday yet? 

{oh, and obviously i made my student assistant take this picture.}

the injury.

remember that time i said i was never baking again? 

well, after last night's happenings, i think it's time to tweak my resolution a bit.

so...it's official.

i'm never cooking again.

dramatic maybe, but i think it's what's best for everyone.

the conventional oven and i are in the midst of an all out war and i'm losing 2-0.

my morale is fading and my newly gained battle scares tell me it's right.

once again, let me set the scene for you.

last night i was cooking dinner for mr. lesley, trying really hard to be a good, domestic wife.

the directions told me to start by cooking the chicken on the stovetop in a large skillet, which i did quite easily. then i was supposed to finish cooking the chicken in the oven for 12 minutes at 400 degrees and again, no problem. so when the time was up i put on an oven mitt and pulled the chicken out of the oven and set it on the stove.

now, this is when things start to get complicated.

i needed to move the skillet, but unfortunately my brain had forgotten that it just came out of a 400 DEGREE oven and i grabbed the metal handle without thinking.

{$^&#@*$&$^!}

and this is when i started jumping up and down and screaming and sir winston ran into the kitchen to figure out what the heck i was doing and then ran away promptly when he saw me running around like a maniac. the only thing i could do at that moment was stick my hand under cold water, try not to cry, and continue drinking my wine, as i watched the blisters starting to form.

  when mr. lesley got home, i lost it.

i cried, "i'm such a bad wife. you always cook, and the one time i was supposed to cook for you, i do this."

he assured me it was fine and did his best to comfort me as i kept my hand submerged in a mixing bowl of cold water.

i know i haven't experienced much physical pain in my life, but this was by far the most painful injury i've every had. the burning and stinging was out. of. control. 

{and no, i don't even want to think about how painful childbirth will be, ok?} 

in order to get my mind off the pain, mr. lesley insisted i still go over to my friend jenny's house to watch the bachelor with my ladies.

because really if tierra suffers hypothermia for sean then what do i really have to complain about? 

mr. lesley drove me and my bowl of water over to her house and in the process half of the water in the bowl spilled all over my sweats, causing me to get out of the car, throw all the water out, yell some expletives, and walk through her door announcing to all my friends, "i am not in a good place in life right now."

fortunately, they were very sweet and understanding, gave me dry clothes, fed me amazing food, and helped me to step back from my self imposed ledge.

however, from 6:30 at the time of "the injury" to the wee hours of this morning, i had to keep my hand in that same bowl of water if i wanted any relief, and needless to say, i didn't sleep well and knew that it was best for everyone for me to stay home from work and nurse my wounds.

so now, i'm gauzed up and feeling much better. 

the pain has gone away for the most part and my blisters are really making a name for themselves.

and even though life is looking up around these parts.

i have staked my claim.

don't put me in a kitchen and expect anything good to come of it.

you've been officially warned.

______________________________________________________________________

p.s. please tell me you've seen this episode of the office where michael's love of the smell of bacon in the early morning causes him to burn his foot on his foreman grill.

just in case you need a refresher...

just call me michael scott and bring me some bubble wrap already.

if the lights go out during the super bowl...

try to light your kitchen on fire instead.

because a light anywhere is a light somewhere.

right?

right.

confused? 

ok, let me explain.

a little back story may be necessary.

i was assigned the task of bringing a dessert to my sister's house for the super bowl. 

i really wanted to make it good, considering i had brought this for christmas and it should have been named "snot in a pan" instead of "sex in a pan." 

needless to say, i really had to make this dessert count.

i will never claim to be domestic, but i can at least follow a recipe, right? 

after a little research, i decided to make this apple crisp that my friend krista had made for book club because it was super delicious.

apple crisp couldn't be that hard and paired with vanilla ice cream it was a guaranteed crowd pleaser.

i spent the better half of sunday afternoon getting carpel tunnel from peeling and chopping apples and gathered the rest of the ingredients to make the topping once i got to my sister's house.

midway through the game (when it was a major snooze fest), i put everything together and stuck that baby in the oven. 

about 40 minutes into baking, this conversation took place...

calley: how much longer on the apple crisp?

me: maybe 15 or 20 minutes. although, the top isn't really browning like i thought it would.

calley: oh, maybe we could put it on broil.

conversation ends and picks up about 6 minutes later.

me: did you end up putting it on broil? 

calley: OHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!

{yelled while running into the kitchen}

and in a matter of seconds pure pandemonium struck.

there was screaming and panic and all the sudden the oven was on fire and my brother in law was getting a crash course in using the fire extinguisher {which may have not actually been necessary, but that's beside the point}

the house started filling up with smoke, ash was flying all over the kitchen, and the smell of burnt butter filled our noses within seconds.

{we might as well have covered the crisp with aqua net, the way that butter burst into flames.}

but fear not...the fire was put out stat! thanks to aaron's cat like reflexes and ability to spray down the stove and countertops within seconds.

but after the smoke had somewhat cleared and the burnt smell only partially lingered...

my poor apple crisp didn't make it.

i actually considered scraping off the top and eating the apples but last time i checked it wasn't exactly safe to eat fire extinguisher ashes.

and instead of being in a bowl with ice cream, my beloved "crisp" {and crisp it was} 

spent the evening cooling off on the back porch.

sigh.

don't worry though, we all learned some valuable lessons last night.

#1 broiling is no joke.

#2 almost lighting your house on fire sure will make the evening interesting.

#3 it's better to be safe than sorry. a.k.a. you have a fire extinguisher for a reason, so don't be afraid to use it.

and, last but not least, 

#4 i'm never making dessert again.

how to survive a sick day. lesley style.

step 1- stay in your jammers all...day...long.

step 2- keep your mucinex close but your kleenex closer.

step 3- lament your dog's inability to run your errands.

step 4- respond to all your church friends who think you must be hung over if you're not at church.

step 5- forget how to breath through your nose.

step 6- make a pumpkin ice cream/sprite float...a cold will cause you to do crazy things.

step 7- feel completely content and completely stir crazy at the exact same time.

step 8- regret getting a nose ring. you wouldn't believe what can get stuck in those things.
tmi? sorry.

good news?
i think we're on the up and up...kinda.
colds are no joke.

but we do accept your sympathy in the forms of balloons, floral arrangements, and ponies.

happy monday.

farewell mr. lesley (a.k.a. this really sucks)

with only two days before mr. lesley left for his 3 month internship in d.c., i had a choice to make...

i could...

a. eat my feelings

b. ugly cry in the fetal position

or 

c. paint the town red while living under the blissful power of sweet, sweet delusion

since i have the next three months to get my fill of a. and b., 

c. was the obvious choice. 

our first stop on our weekend adventure was linger, an uber popular denver restaurant located in an old mortuary.

if you haven't heard,

mortuaries are all the rage these days.

get with the times already.

we had heard nothing but good things about this local hotspot, but i was still a little nervous. 

mr. lesley kinda has an insatiable appetite and fancy schmancy restaurants normally aren't his thing.

but after he saw waffle fries on the menu, it was nothing but smooth sailing.

all the small plates we ordered were absolutely delicious, and i would definitely recommend the 

"coffee and donuts" dessert.   

{thanks for the recommendation kari!}

and as an extra bonus, we got to witness some drama at the table across the way.

the certified looney tunes of the table left halfway through the meal in a cloud of dust.

delicious food and entertainment.

win, win.

saturday morning started bright and early with some good southern comfort food at a neighborhood favorite, luciles...

next on the agenda was the denver zoo.

one of mr. lesley's favorite spots.

and we finally got to see the new elephant exhibit...

and a whole lot more of our animal friends.

continuing our effort to pretend like mr. lesley wasn't leaving in less than 24 hours, we grabbed sir winston and headed to the park where we got engaged.

yeah, we're sweet and adorable like that.

{yeah, i'm probably going to submit that picture of sir winston to purina. 

i think we've got a poster dog on our hands.}

no date would be complete without a couple beers.

great divide, the only place that rivals mr. lesley's obsession with the 

yeti/bigfoot/sasquatch, was our obvious choice.

we ended the day with one of our favorite families, the kirkegaard's.

kjaer is mr. lesley's man crush, monica and i are pretty much the same person, and baby leif is always the life of the party.

we just had to finish off the evening with some sweet action, 

the best ice cream in the world, hands down.

sunday morning, before the sun was up, i took mr. lesley to the airport.

i cried like a baby and even watched him walk through security, tipping my hat ever so slightly so people wouldn't notice my swollen eyes.

i got it together just enough to drive home, only to lose it again when i walked in the door and saw sir winston.

a little dramatic, i know, but this whole being married but living on different ends of the country is 

just. plain. sad.

{i have gained a whole new respect for people in the military and those they love and fully realize my situation pales in comparison to what they go through.}

so until i get to see my favorite guy again, you can find me...

-texting, calling, emailing, and face timing like my life depended on it

-guilt tripping my friends and family into inviting me over

-working extra hard in my quest for teaching domination

-crying. a lot. {no shame}

but, most importantly,

-being so, so proud of my husband. 

it takes a lot of guts to give up so much to follow a dream.

and if what they say is right, and absence really does make the heart grow fonder, 

i'm pretty sure the next time i see him, my heart will burst.

goodbye my loooooooooooooove.

via

we just got word a couple of days ago that mr. lesley was offered an internship with the state department for the fall.

awesome news, right? 

well, it would be super awesome if the internship was in denver.

but alas, the government calls him to washington, d.c.:( 

yep, we will be newlyweds living apart for a few months.

(and i'm all waaah, waaah, waaah).

but when i start to get sad and depressed about him leaving, i think of all the woman who have husbands in the military and that reality check gives me some perspective.

however, i am looking for people to adopt me and sir winston for september-december...

my sister already signed up to be my cuddle buddy and kari will supply me with good eats.

but sir winston is requesting someone to talk to him about sports and body slam him on the couch, 

and i would love someone to take me out on the town and bring me down from my ledges of dispair (see last post for more info on that one.)

any takers?

{for reals though, if anyone has connections in D.C. (mr. lesley needs a place to crash), please let me know. he's super clean and only sometimes leaves the toilet seat up.}

it's hard work being a woman...

because your emotions are tricky.

sometimes they're spot on to how you really feel.

and sometimes they are the result of tricky little ladies i like to call hormones.

and you spend a lot of time (if you are me) sorting through which one is which.

and (if you're also me) a lot of times you feel like a looney tune.

perfect example...

last night i had a meltdown.

i was overwhelmed with well, life. 

and mr. lesley was there for the brunt of it.

it got so bad that at one point i even said (through my tears mind you).

"what if i don't look pretty in my wedding dress?"

oh brother.

and then this morning i emailed him to say that my feelings last night were real and not the result of pms or some other girly thing, so he should take them seriously.

but now, i think they actually were the result of something girly.

and when i tell him that he will be confused.

heck, i'm confused.

and all i have to say is...

it's hard work being a woman.

the end.

just when i thought my car couldn't get much more ghetto...

who needs a plastic cover anyway? 

but it runs and i get a front seat to its inner workings. 

win, win. 

the pit of despair.

i came home today to find my china journal strewn all over my bedroom floor

in. tiny. little. pieces.

yes.

winston destroyed yet another paper product.

and of all the things he could have picked...

he chose one of my most prized possessions.

i am beyond crushed.

and can't stop crying.

(what is up with me and crying this week?)

please make me feel better.

please.

say something that will make me think, "it doesn't matter that the words i poured my heart and soul over are now gone forever and will never end up in my great grandchildren's hands."

ok now i'm just being dramatic...

but you get the point.

ugh.

winston will be lucky if he doesn't end up back at the animal shelter tonight.

again...dramatic...or maybe not so much.

remember that time...

we thought we were going to the arcade fire concert...

and then we got there and waited in line and got up to the front...

and my paper (that i thought was our tickets) didn't work?

then we walked back to the car and i cried?

then we drove home and i cried?

then you bought me a blizzard and i cried?

yep.

that was our saturday night.

and no, we didn't see arcade fire.

note to self: when they say they will send you physical tickets, they mean PHYSICAL tickets.

not a packing slip.

they are different.

BUT...

a refund is in our future.

and if it's not...someone at the 1st bank center in broomfield, colorado WILL get my wrath.

apparently our names should have been on the list.

although in the box office worker's words, "you got had."

here is a visual of how i felt while holding my word document fake ticket.

and yes i had my student assistant take this picture today.

sometimes life isn't all rainbows and butterflies my friends.

and the best medicine is a blizzard and a good cry.

and a boyfriend who feels really bad that you're crying, and thus, buys you a blizzard.

wisdom? who needs it.

(source)

so today i...

1. took my first valium/s (prescription people, prescription. i'm not into illegal narcotics).

2. did some ridiculous things because of said valium.

(for example, slamming my finger into the sign to identify what floor the doctor's office was on).

3. asked the nurses and doctor as they were giving me an iv and sticking breathing tubes up my nose, "are you trained in resuscitation? yes, ok so have you ever had to use said training?" and "i really don't want to wake up in the middle of this so can you make sure that doesn't happen?"

4. lost all my wisdom.

all of it.

why did God decide to put all your wisdom in your teeth anyway?

looks like i may make some dumb choices in the future.

at least now i'll have someone other than myself to blame.

5. cried.

i wasn't even in that much pain.

i think these drugs just make me emotional.

i really lost it when i read this.

and then told winston "don't EVER die" (as i'm sobbing).

6. got in some intense cuddle time with winston.

i decided it was time to let him on the bed.

this could have been a bad decision, but i needed him.

he is one of the best cuddlers in the world.

next to mr. lesley of course.

7. received the most beautiful sunflowers (my favorite) from mr. lesley.

along with gauze, sprite, and gatorade.

(we already stocked up on everything else last night.)

there is nothing more romantic than gauze right?

8. felt (and still feel) a constant numbing sensation on the left side of my mouth. yep. only half. not sure why, but i'm OVER it.

on the up side i can bite my lip really hard and can't feel a thing.

and earlier today i had some chocolate pudding on my chin for who knows how long before i caught it.

9. ate almost an entire tub of tapioca pudding.

it was delicious.

seriously.

and now i'm laying with winston (while mr. lesley is out getting himself real food...i'm so jealous), watching My Girl (the first movie i cried in when i was 9) and feeling pretty good (minus the numbness).

here's to hoping i stay on the up and up tomorrow!

life lesson #958658767

if someone says they are giving away english bulldog puppies for free...
run far, far away.

you see, after reading this post,
i kinda became obsessed with getting a little bulldog of my own.

some people think they're ugly.
i think they're perfect.

i had already decided on a name.
deb.
or debra when she's bad.
or debbie when we're having fun and she's being silly.


so i started the search for a puppy and found a website full of free bulldogs.
hooray!
i sent out an email and got this response...

Hi,
I am so impressed with your inquiry about adopting my babies. i have
been looking for a home for them for a while now but not only a home
but a forever home for them.. firstly let me tell you about them. They
are called Cassie and Benny . They are 12 weeks old and they are all registered with the following animal registration club that is Akc and are veterinary checked and vaccinated and have all health records till date and housing documents vet check and micro chip,and currently under all shots and vaccines. They go along with kids and other home pets,actually i am not selling these puppies as all i need is a nice and lovely home were they can be spoil with so much love and care. before we proceed i will love to ask some few
questions , Were about are you located.......?
Are you a breeder.............?
Do you have a vet around you..........?
Do you have any experience with pets......... ?
Do you want the male(Benny) or the female (Cassie)......? or Both
How Soon will you need the puppy............?

Some information about my puppies

FOR CASSIE
______________
She is house Trained and Potty.
She does not bark a lot.
She eat 2 times daily and at afternoons she drinks Milk .
She Is socialized with kids and other house hold pets .
She is a portable baby.
She likes to be carried a lot and be spoiled
...... -She likes to be kissed .
She gets angry when you shout at her, so don't do all that.

FOR BENNY
_________________
He is house and potty
He barks more than Cassie but not to much.
He eats 2 times a day and drinks milk at noon.
He likes to keep him self away from the crowd but is also socialized.
He's also a portable baby.
He feels shy when carried.
He also likes to be kissed..
He barks when he sees strangers.

Thanks a lot.
Mrs. Maureen


ummm....
a little strange, but i went with it.

i asked when i could see the puppies, only to get this response....

Hello again ,
Thanks for your speedy reply, okay the female one is called Cassie . I was just trying to make sure that i don't make a mistake in getting my little puppy a good home. Since you have promised to take good care of her, then i must say, i am delighted and happy that Cassie will be going to such a pet loving Family were she will be given all the love she deserves . As concerning her coming over to you, i don't know if you will like to come pick her up because i am presently in Seattle Washington for an urgent new job with Cassie and it will take us 4 months which is the more reason why I'm given her out. If you prefer coming over to our home,just write to me so that i can send to you my home address. If you think you won't be able, then i don't know if we can use a delivery company here who can delivery Cassie over to you at your door steps and it will be more easier and quicker but will need to provide me with your full delivery following information so that i can get her registered with a home delivery agency and your names and home address for delivery to be done as soon as possible that will deliver her to you at your door steps which will cost you $300 for her to be delivered over to you. I am not asking for any adoption fee since you have promise me that you are going to take very good care of Cassie, all i want you do, is for you to take very good care of Cassie and also pay her delivery fee. Note that you will be making the payment directly to the delivery company who will be in charge of delivering Cassie over to you.Here are the information i will be needing to go and get Cassie registered below,

Full names...................................?
City/state............................?
Zip code.........................................?
home address...........................?
Phone number ...........?
Nearest airport to your location..............................?

That will be all that i will be needing from you so that i can get
Cassie registered today using those above information.
My regards to your family.
Mrs. Maureen


very, very strange.
and after a little research...
i realized this is a pretty common internet scam.

make unsuspecting people think they are paying for a puppy to be shipped to them...
and then they wait...and wait...and wait....
and the puppy never comes.


i have to admit, i got a little depressed.
too bad their are such mean people in the world.
and a quality english bulldog puppy costs anywhere between $1,500 and $3,000


but don't worry.
little debbie.
give me a couple years to save my nickels and dimes...
and we'll be lounging around in no time.

xoxo