lies and truth.

i had an epiphany last week.

it happened while talking to a co-worker after school.

we were discussing our shakespeare unit and what we are trying.

what's working and what's not working. 

now the epiphany had nothing to do with lesson plans, or shakespeare, or tests or quizzes, or keeping kids accountable. 

but it did have everything to do with the lies we believe about ourselves. 

lies we believe as educators.

lies that permeate our thoughts and tell us that we are failing constantly and everyone else has it all together and we should probably just quit before we ruin these young minds for the rest of eternity.

these lies are severe and dramatic but very, very real.

and we are all silently believing them and thinking we are somehow alone.

but as i talked with my co-worker, i felt this sense of relief.

this "you too?" 

this exhale.

and as soon as we named it and talked about it, i was reminded that this lie is a LIE.

when i really think about it, i know that we are all working so hard and doing our very best every single day, successes and failures included.

i am not a perfect teacher, but i am not the scum of the earth either.

and i think i've spent too much mental energy feeling like the scum.

now the moment we brought this lie into the open and talked about it, it had a name and a face.

it started to lose its power.

and i guess that made me think about all the lies we believe every day.

we live them in silence.

and if we are not careful, they become our truth.

they start to call the shots, and we blindly follow their lead.

we live with these distorted ideas of our relationships, and self worth, and identity.

and we just have to STOP it already.

we have to start talking and admitting and speaking truth to each other.
we have to be open and honest and brave.
we have to admit our struggles and how we feel because if we don't speak it out, it can destroy us.

and really, what good does it do the world if we live with these lies in our souls?
what good does it do to think you're scum?

so i say all that to say, you're not the best, but you're not the worst either.
and i promise, when you admit the craziness in your own head, you'll probably leave with a sense of relief, a sense of "you too?", a sense that you are not alone, and a sense of peace that the lie doesn't feel so much like the truth anymore.

you'll feel just a little more free.