dear 8th grade girls looking at my butt,
1. it's awkward that you're spending your time looking at my butt. can you just learn about adjectives or character development or paragraph structure or something?
2. you're preaching to the choir ladies. jean shopping is a real nightmare.
3. is this better than the alternative?
4. i really appreciate your correct spelling and use of the possessive apostrophe.
it is my butt, and i do own it.
5. now stop passing notes and pay attention already!
love, your favorite teacher (i mean, obviously).
side note: yes, this is my real life. when do i get my own reality show again?