resort living: honeymooners edition.

i would like to present to you the lesley's rules for resort honeymooning.

{since we've been on a honeymoon once and are therefore experts}

without further adieu...

#1. do NOT make fun of your wife's passport picture, even if she's wearing a choker.

and stop calling her goth already. 

#2. as soon as your arrive at the resort, grab the fruitiest drink possible, get acquainted with the property, and make a bee-line for the beach.

#3. soak up the sun as much as humanly possible.

#4. don't just lay out with the thousands of others on the beach. 

set yourself apart. 

look smart.

read.

#5. perfect the art of the arm extension picture.

#6. protect your eyes. 

the mexican sun is no joke.

#7. participate in extracurricular sports.

it will make you look in shape and sporty.

#8. speaking of extracurricular activities, poolside dance class is a must.

i mean, who doesn't want to pelvic thrust with a whole bunch of strangers? 

#9. ok, ok, one more.

water aerobics.

you MUST do water aerobics.

you will most likely giggle like a school  girl while your husband takes pictures with the rest of the dudes on the sidelines.

and you will make new friends and realizes that some ladies still don't shave their armpits. 

you really can't go wrong with a little aerobic exercise, a lot of laughing, and a good dose of cultural exposure.

#10. eat.

a lot.

even when you think you're full.

it's all in your mind.

keep eating.

it's ALL INCLUSIVE after all.

#11. commend your resort's use of hotdogs.

because they will find a way to incorporate them into as many dishes as possible.

and sometimes they will even try to be sneaky and call them by other names to confuse you.

#12. hoard these little delights from your mini fridge.

they are AMAZING.

#13. drink.

drink a lot.

as many fruity, ridiculous drinks as your heart desires.

and don't worry, they will never put enough alcohol in them so that you actually get drunk. 

no, you will have a stomach ache before that's even a possibility. 

but that doesn't mean they aren't completely delicious and completely worth it.

#14. get out.

meet people.

prove to everyone that americans are better than everyone at everything.

archery and mini putting are excellent venues to exert your dominance.

#15. you know the robes and slippers in your closet?

WEAR THEM.

you will feel instantly fancy.

especially while drinking your rooms complimentary champagne and crushing your husband at skipbo.

f.a.n.c.y.

#16. really get into the culture.

wear sombreros wore by hundreds of others and pray your don't get lice.

{we look pretty awesome though, right? i mean, the hand on shoulder pose is always a winner.}

#17. eat out every night.

dress up fancy.

make friends with your waiter.

take tequila shots.

like i always say, when in mexico...

#18. speaking of all things mexican, variety shows are a must.

anytime someone is waving a flag bigger than my apartment, i know i want to be there.

#19. always end the night by brushing your teeth with love toothpaste (thanks kara!)

if anything can get you in the mood for love, it's love toothpaste.

obvi.

and rule #20? 

i don't think it's appropriate to have a picture of THAT.

and that my friends is how you honeymoon. 

resort style.