4.30.2010

decisions, decisions.


this past week has been quite the roller coaster, to say the very least.

i went from having no job...to 3 potential jobs...to 1 chosen job...to an offer to stay at my current job...to keeping the job i've had all along.
(phew... that was exhausting to type).

wednesday afternoon changed everything.

here's the scenario...
monday i chose to accept a position at a brand new school (still in the process of being built) in our district and was excited about it.
i felt up to the challenge. ready for the opportunity. thrilled that they actually chose me.

only to find out wednesday that a position opened up at my current school and they wanted me to come back (even though i had already verbally accepted the other job).

i had 2 days to make my decision.
stay at my current position or keep my word to venture out into the unknown...

insert my completely annoying indecisiveness.

i asked anyone and everyone what they would do in my situation.
one minute i was sold on the new school and the next i was convinced staying at my current school was the absolute best choice for me.

today came and i felt just as confused as i did on wednesday.

so...
i decided to take drive out to the new school (i had never even seen it before) to clear my head, pray, and hopefully come to a decision before 3 pm (my self-imposed deadline for decision making)

i was in search of the "aha moment"
where the smoke clears and the choice becomes obvious

unfortunately, that moment never came but...

as i pulled up to the school, so pretty and new, and drove amidst the construction trucks i realized something...
the students at this school would be a far cry from the kids i've come to teach, know, and love

students are students wherever you go and they all need good teachers, but...

my kids have stolen my heart and i just wasn't ready to say goodbye yet

as i was driving back home, with a billion thoughts circulating through my brain, one of my students' faces popped into my head and i found myself crying (yes, me the triannual crier actually started welling up)

one of my students who has made some bad choices but who actually listens to me
who, despite all the negative influences surrounding him, i know can make it and do something incredible with his life

so with him, my other students, and the staff members i've come to love like family filling my mind
i called my principal and told him i'd be coming back next year

i'm always one to take a challenge
put myself out there for the sake of a new adventure
i never want to be left with the question "what if...?"

but today as i was driving home, i understood that people are more important than opportunities
and it's okay to stay where you're at because you just want more time to really make a difference

even if it's not glamorous
even if people think it's not a smart career move

it's just right.
and that's all that really matters anyway.

5 comments:

  1. well said...i can totally relate to what you were feeling. you just want to do the right thing! i am excited for you though!! I think it was a wise decision :)
    miss you sooo much and excited for your trip to africa!!

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  2. Sis, wow... had no idea this all went down. I love your heart, and I love your heart for other hearts. He is had planted you where you are to pull the potential & the purpose out of people; to be a beam of joy and love to your school. I am so happy to know your next year is secure.

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  3. Hannah

    I totally relate to what you just said. Decisions Decisions!! I will take your part about "people are more important that opportunity" and put in my pocket for my current decision!!

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  4. thank you for blogging. I can't say it enough.
    you encourage me in the way you seek to do what's right...and the way you carry it out. jiayou, miss D, jiayou.

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  5. you did the right thing.

    this was beautifully said.

    i look forward to your book.

    someday.

    i love you.

    xoxo

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