i found myself thinking about my mom today... about her life, her death, the short time i knew her, the memories i feel are fading more and more every day.
the only memory that has stayed intact (16 years later) is the morning she died. it is so vivid in my memory. the people, the sounds, the images...everything.
sometimes it's hard not to be angry. angry that i feel the emptiness of her. angry that i miss someone so much...someone i never even got the chance to truly know.
no matter how i try to forget, the weight of her absence hits me like a ton of bricks when i least expect it...on days like today... when it's raining and cloudy and i find myself talking about her without even really knowing how or why.
and it was in that moment today that i decided to succumb to the sadness. let myself really feel it. because it is sad. and it is hard. no matter how many years go by. and that's ok.
yes. it really is ok.
the only memory that has stayed intact (16 years later) is the morning she died. it is so vivid in my memory. the people, the sounds, the images...everything.
sometimes it's hard not to be angry. angry that i feel the emptiness of her. angry that i miss someone so much...someone i never even got the chance to truly know.
no matter how i try to forget, the weight of her absence hits me like a ton of bricks when i least expect it...on days like today... when it's raining and cloudy and i find myself talking about her without even really knowing how or why.
and it was in that moment today that i decided to succumb to the sadness. let myself really feel it. because it is sad. and it is hard. no matter how many years go by. and that's ok.
yes. it really is ok.
I love you.
ReplyDeletethank you for writing this.
Yes it really is ok. Beautiful piece Hannah.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you and for you. Love you bunches.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing this, hannah. i can only imagine how hard it must be. i too struggle to let myself feel the hard things. you are so strong, i look up to you.
ReplyDeleteHannah, 1st of all, LOVE the photo...lol
ReplyDelete2nd of all, Love the transparency and honesty, and that you liberate others to feel, even when it hurts.