1.07.2013

on blogging.

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i've been trying to wrap my mind around this little thing called "blogging" for the last few weeks now.

i find myself constantly wondering why for the last four years or so, i've felt the need to record my thoughts, life happens, and random observations on this little space and then post them for the world to see.

something that once felt very small and silly, a means to record my day to day life so i wouldn't forget, has now morphed into something that feels very closely tied to who i am.
and sometimes that feels right and good and exciting.
while at other times it feels like a relentless cry of "look at me!" and "validate me!" and "make me feel good about myself!"

the latter is what's getting me lately.

it all lies in my motivation, and as much as i wish all my motives were simple and pure, it is so ridiculously easy to be caught in the rat race of recognition.
and it is such a tiring race.

so now that a new year is upon us, i have to get down to the nitty gritty of it all and examine my own heart and determine what place this blogging space, .heart to heart., will have in my life in the years to come.

is it truly a place to just record the everyday moments?
is it a place to focus on all that is good and right in my world?

or 

am i coming to a place where it needs to be more than just the good stuff?
do i need to be more reflective and honest and deep, even when it's uncomfortable and may not make everyone happy?

 and who am i even writing for anyway?
myself?
my readers?
my friends?
my family?
the future family i hope to have that may someday, if i'm lucky, care enough to read my words?

and where does God and my faith fit into everything?
if all i do should be for Him, can i honestly say that some of my motives do just that?

unfortunately, i don't have all the answers to these questions.
but there are a couple of things i do know for sure...

-i love to write. i don't use capital letters and sometimes my observations are brief and sometimes i overuse ellipses, but i do know that something inside of me feels alive when i sit at my computer and just say it. whatever it is.

-i want to be more honest. i want to push myself into realms that are uncomfortable and scary. i don't want to be ashamed of the good or the bad that fill my days.

-i have to get over the beast that comes in the form of accolades and "likes" and comments and the beast that comes in the lack of accolades and "likes" and comments.
basically, i need God to help me get over myself and to remind me every single moment of every single  day belongs to Him anyway.

so i guess i say all that to say, i'm going to be a lot more intentional about what i write on this space,
honoring God through the good, the bad, and the ugly and trying to let myself go in the process.

wish me luck.

9 comments:

  1. This is a great post.. I stop and think about blogging sometimes, too. It really is so easy to get caught up and lose sight of why you started this little space in the first place. Good luck!!

    http://dreamingenfrancais.blogspot.com/

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  2. I love you. This is a great post. Continue to be true to yourself(as "yourself" evolves and changes...), follow your heart and don't be too hard on yourself.
    xoxo

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  3. Amen, sister! I think the same stuff a lot of the time. And for what it's worth, I pretty much always enjoy whatever you have to say. :)

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  4. I miss writing {blogging}. I read yours faithfully! Looking forward to what you have in store!!

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  5. I just found your blog (via Julie's blog) and I'm so glad I did! I always love reading a blog by a teacher + fellow Jesus lover. I'm excited to read more and all that God uses you to share His love and pure amazingness with others.

    If there's one thing I've learned from blogging, it's that honesty is hard until you push the publish button. There's something powerful about that button that just makes you feel like you did something right (at least most of the time!). :)

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    1. agreed! I sometimes contemplate the publish myself...very encouraging post Hannah! and great comments from fellow followers! :) love the online community!

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  6. I feel like I'm always struggling with this same thing! Wondering exactly why I'm blogging, and feeling guilty if I am hoping for more followers, for validation. Because our little spaces on the Interweb should be more about glorifying God in the everyday and encouraging each other to grow in Him. Just keep being you and being honest and God will show through you onto this blog! :)

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  7. I am so excited to read your future posts. I love hearing how the Lord is using women to speak truthfull and boldly into other peoples lives. I am thankful that He is going to use you as a vessel to do that!

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  8. you read my mind... i worry that i get caught up in the accolades (or lack of... ummm, hello... 8 followers?!?!?) thanks for helping me get grounded too and reminding me that all of that stuff isn't what it's about.

    ps - your blogs are always amazing. you are my blogging idol!

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